A Guide Towards Getting Those #RelationshipGoals
February is the month of Love, but for the year of 2019 thus far has been ludicrously dubbed “BLACKFACE” History Month. Between some Governors, Attorney Generals, in addition to Chief of Polices all across this country showing their past blackface photos, it has some completely forgetting about it being “Black History Month”. We have black NFL players’ outchea toasting with their non-melanated fiancés about having more light skin kids; meanwhile Floyd, Steve, and allegedly Jussie placing their proverbial feet in their mouths this month is going to be one to forget. In spite of all the ridiculous events going on I’d like to dwell in the positive, the month that I have so lovingly nicknamed “Black Love Month.”
Black Love is passionate, it is consciousness personify, it is motivating, inspirational, and needed for humanity to thrive. Black Love is like black coffee BOLD and beautiful, sweet and alluring, rhythm and blues. While every day we have to prove to others why our lives indeed do matter, but not at the sacrifice of others; we as black people would love to just simply exist without having to teach other how to love us or why they should.
People often comment #RelationshipGoals under famous celebrities’ pictures on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter not knowing what that couple’s problems are. They individually and collectively like any other couple have their strengthens and their weaknesses. There great times and bad times, they love each other and make each other sick, which isn’t always capture in the still of one picture posted for the internet to see.
Ciara just released her single, Greatest Love and now there is a #GreatestLove challenge going viral, great Valentine’s Day marketing I might add, where she and her husband tell the world why they love each other so much. You can read in the comments how many singles are asking her what prayer she specifically prayed to gain according to her the “greatest love”, her husband, Russell Wilson.
One thing that I have come to learn in being married is that no relationship is a one size fits all type of deal, so where as spouse’s traveling schedule may or may not work for one couple, for another couple it could be a financial deal breaker. I often tell acquaintances jokingly aren’t you happy I took him off the market for you, because no one knows your relationship like you and your partner do. Where you might individually compromise where your mother, father, sister, brother, or friend might not.
“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up, “
James Baldwin
Black Love is unique in a sense because it is black man and black woman coming together in a society not made for or by them, but to share the experiences of its mayhem. Black men often feel underappreciated, misjudged, and misused; contemporarily black women frequently feel misunderstood, provoked, and voiceless. Our struggles are parallel, but not the same. It is only through our acknowledgement of the others reality where a true healing can manifest itself and Black Love begins.
The journey isn’t easy and doesn’t come without some bumps in the road, but sometimes rediscovering your black love is worthwhile and essential to building an improved way of life.
The Black Love Challenge
At the beginning of February my sisters and I challenged each other to make a conscious effort to strengthen our marital bonds with our husbands. Note all of us are married and have been with our mates for at least ten years. Each of us was asked to provide a list of five tasks that we had to try and complete before the end of the month. So in total we had twenty challenges, listed below are just a sample of what we came up with:
Go on a walk or ride to work together
Give a body massage
Give a lap dance
Mediate with your spouse once this month for at least 15 minutes
Send a random phone text of gratitude
Try something different in the bedroom or something you haven’t done in a long time; it’s always good to spice up the bedroom.
We aren’t done with the month, but from the updates all of our relationships have been enhanced by this opportunity to recapture why and who we fell in love with all those years ago. We now all have two or more kids and the effort it takes to make time for one another can be daunting, but it is also crucial in keeping your marriage solid.
Ayesha Curry received backlash when asked about how she maintains her decade long relationship with her husband Steph Curry, and stated that she put her marriage before her kids. Advice she had gotten from her and her husband’s parents considering they both have 30-plus years in the commitment game. It just really blew some people’s mind married and single that she a mother would put her children second to her husband the man she made vows to and created their lives with.
I may be naïve, but my belief is that generally people don’t go into relationships expecting them not to last. Under my assumption you find the love of your life, you two make a commitment to each other, you decide to have offspring, have them, they grow up, it becomes just you two again, and you both grow old together. In my mind this is how Black Love is nourished and cultivated in all its forms. I often tell others love is great, but it is the liking of your mate that will get you through those hard times.
Black Love unifies, it empowers, and influences others to be better versions of themselves. Love is patient, love is kind, it protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, and it never fails. Whether you believe in it or not though Black Love is necessary.
ten20magazine 